While today is not the day of post-race celebration and bragging rights. And I don't have the "Finisher's jacket" I imagined as all I wanted for Christmas during that ride, I am celebrating.
I do have several things that either I wanted and some that I just wasn't conscious of quite so keenly before this.
I do still have what seems like "space" that's been taken up heavily lately, for months and months actually, by thoughts and focus, and training for this event. It's suddenly freed up. I had jokingly referred to looking forward to free time after the 22nd. It's true, though I didn't feel it immediately because I was consumed by details of how and what and who in the first 36 hours, it's finally settled.
I do have a big sister that takes care of me when I need it, even when I don't know or admit it and a mother who can change her tune even at 84 to support a concept she still thinks is nuts!
I have cousins that are incredible people and that just do what needs to be done to offer assistance and comfort to someone in need, because they can. They're people I look forward to meeting again during less stressful times!
I do have an awesome medical community and an insurance card in my pocket that allows me the privilege of seeing who I need to see. I saw the right person at the right time yesterday and learned that very possibly all that happened was the larger muscles in my left foot fatigued to the extent they would not work and were straining so much the continued use caused the pain. Swelling inside shoe might have been caused by insult to injury in the hard, inflexible bike shoe, then the black boot that allowed me to put weight on it actually also let it blow up further.
I have a registration for the 2011 Ironman, that I took care of on Saturday before any of this happened, knowing that no matter what the outcome, I wasn't done. I'd be wanting to either improve my time and my focus over this next year or to complete unfinished business which as it turns out is more true.
I have the relief in knowing after a time of physical and mental rest and cross training I'll be able to train again safely. I don't have the nagging worry in my head I would have if this had been a stress fracture.
I have expressed thanks for several of these people before, but since Sunday they came to the rescue in many ways. My life has turned into a country music song, lol. You certainly do find out who your friends are!
They keep calling and they're there to make sure you're OK. They want to know and want to let you know they care. I've been a 'want to do it myself' person either learned by need or by preference for a long long time. It's not always comfortable to get the help I need even when I know I need it. These people are oblivious to that or just plan to keep bugging me until I get it.
Sher
Chris Bachman and his girlfriend Gretchen
Karen and Bill Bachman
Jon Bachman
Mike Garton
Bill Huls
Julie Vardamon
Madison Mackenzie
Dan Atkinson
the guy in the kayak who zipped my wet suit back up before the start gun went off
the countless volunteers along the course who lived up to and surpassed every possible account I'd heard about how amazing the volunteers are
Dustin
Deb Hoyt
the hotel concierge at Mission Palms in Tempe
Caite, the massage therapist who retrieved my bike for me
Mike Dodge, fireman for Tempe tending the AZ IM
Dr. Chuck Gilarski
Seashelly- who finally called two days late! Thank goodness it wasn't my heart! Initially in her first message she offered bad advice; "never go alone again. If you have to go alone, don't go." First of all, you're never alone at an event like this. Second of all, I'm not ever waiting again for life to start for someone else. In the end we are each solely responsible for the life we live.
The triathlon community embraces every level of athlete. You should move in, too!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Post race massage?
Not the ego and not the shoulders or back getting a massage. More like my insurance and credit cards. I've visited ER, to have an x-ray that wouldn't likely have shown a stress fracture yet anyway, but that was something of a pre-rec to get crutches and a boot. And Vicadin if you want it. I'll take my otc, thanks.
I have had the epitome of customer service and family care. A cousin I've barely seen called and has come to the rescue in so many ways I can count. Took my bike back to ship out, retrieved my bags and bottles from cages on the bike. He had me check out of the hotel, come to his house, agreed to get me to either his girfriend's orthoped/office or to ER, and to take me to the airport in the morning.
His folks, my aunt and uncle, also not people I see regularly flew in this morning- and whose arrival Chris juggled with my ER stay without breaking a sweat or blinking. By the time he was back I was booted, crutched and done.
I'm hoping it's not my imagination or the fact I've had it elevated the majority of time, but that it actually is better. I can, at least with this shoe bear some weight on it.
Doc at ER planted a new seed of hope. It might be a strained ligament or tendon and not a fracture. That I can deal with- still a fluke but must be that healing time would be a lot shorter for that.
I have had the epitome of customer service and family care. A cousin I've barely seen called and has come to the rescue in so many ways I can count. Took my bike back to ship out, retrieved my bags and bottles from cages on the bike. He had me check out of the hotel, come to his house, agreed to get me to either his girfriend's orthoped/office or to ER, and to take me to the airport in the morning.
His folks, my aunt and uncle, also not people I see regularly flew in this morning- and whose arrival Chris juggled with my ER stay without breaking a sweat or blinking. By the time he was back I was booted, crutched and done.
I'm hoping it's not my imagination or the fact I've had it elevated the majority of time, but that it actually is better. I can, at least with this shoe bear some weight on it.
Doc at ER planted a new seed of hope. It might be a strained ligament or tendon and not a fracture. That I can deal with- still a fluke but must be that healing time would be a lot shorter for that.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Finished
But not the coveted "Finisher."
DNF is not a title I could record, but that's the truth.
I had suspicions already at mile 40 when I stopped for water and a bathroom break and couldn't weight bear normally. The stop on the next side was worse. Had to ask the volunteers to hold the bike so I could even get off and then give me a shoulder.
They ended up carrying me. Right past my run gear bag handoff to the medic tent. Mr bedside manner wasn't much for problem solving with me about how to get an x-ray that he suggested I get without a ride other than ambulance or my insurance card- or get a taxi when I didn't have a credit card- also in the room with the insurance card.
Long story short I don't recommend traveling to an Ironman alone.
Suspect a stress fracture from the symptoms but haven't had any problems whatsoever. Can't say my running mileage has been high- even for an Ironman training plan- it was enough to get me to the start injury free.
I'm trying to avoid an emergency room x-ray here if I can stand the pain. Icing, ibuprofen and elevating. If you're reading and know better advice- like better pain killers, or I'll get something more to help this heal fast by going tomorrow- I'd like to know!
Two nice firemen brought me back in a gator - right to the hotel- and then got a wheelchair from front desk because they didn't think hopping would be a good idea. Tom Dodge I think was the name on the driver's shirt. If I remember to find out I'll thank him.
The rest of the day? Amazing. The swim went great- at least after my wet suit zipper came undone before swim start as we were in the water treading waiting for start. So I laid myself across one of they kayaks and he got me back in the game. I lost my nose plugs- even my spares- but by that point it was like- oh, well.
The bike highs and lows included the volunteers, the out and back so we got to constantly see other riders, and the wind with us going out/uphill most of the time. Coming back downhill the winds must have been? 20-30 at least. It was work all the way on every lap - so on the last of course, getting pretty old!
Rainbow appeared in the last lap - hard not to think it wasn't meant to be there for the chasing!
Laughingly last night I said to myself - hey, the Bucket List is on at 8pm Sun night. If I were done I could see it. Ironically I am. Hoping that I didn't somehow send that message out to the universe.
DNF is not a title I could record, but that's the truth.
I had suspicions already at mile 40 when I stopped for water and a bathroom break and couldn't weight bear normally. The stop on the next side was worse. Had to ask the volunteers to hold the bike so I could even get off and then give me a shoulder.
They ended up carrying me. Right past my run gear bag handoff to the medic tent. Mr bedside manner wasn't much for problem solving with me about how to get an x-ray that he suggested I get without a ride other than ambulance or my insurance card- or get a taxi when I didn't have a credit card- also in the room with the insurance card.
Long story short I don't recommend traveling to an Ironman alone.
Suspect a stress fracture from the symptoms but haven't had any problems whatsoever. Can't say my running mileage has been high- even for an Ironman training plan- it was enough to get me to the start injury free.
I'm trying to avoid an emergency room x-ray here if I can stand the pain. Icing, ibuprofen and elevating. If you're reading and know better advice- like better pain killers, or I'll get something more to help this heal fast by going tomorrow- I'd like to know!
Two nice firemen brought me back in a gator - right to the hotel- and then got a wheelchair from front desk because they didn't think hopping would be a good idea. Tom Dodge I think was the name on the driver's shirt. If I remember to find out I'll thank him.
The rest of the day? Amazing. The swim went great- at least after my wet suit zipper came undone before swim start as we were in the water treading waiting for start. So I laid myself across one of they kayaks and he got me back in the game. I lost my nose plugs- even my spares- but by that point it was like- oh, well.
The bike highs and lows included the volunteers, the out and back so we got to constantly see other riders, and the wind with us going out/uphill most of the time. Coming back downhill the winds must have been? 20-30 at least. It was work all the way on every lap - so on the last of course, getting pretty old!
Rainbow appeared in the last lap - hard not to think it wasn't meant to be there for the chasing!
Laughingly last night I said to myself - hey, the Bucket List is on at 8pm Sun night. If I were done I could see it. Ironically I am. Hoping that I didn't somehow send that message out to the universe.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Bucket List
The Bucket List was on television here last night after the welcome dinner and athlete's mandatory meeting.
I tried to watch it but couldn't stay up! I was hoping it would be on again today while I am putting my feet up, but no such luck.
A friend just mentioned he'd watched it just this week, and of course I mention it because doing this IM has been on mine.
It's on tomorrow at 8. That's a little optimistic perhaps? 13 hours that would be. I'd be thrilled. To see any of it.
What I think I'd like to do is finish, have time to shower and take in some food and go watch those midnight finishers come in.
If I end up being one- I'll be grateful for that- and for those people who have have a better day but chose to come back.
I tried to watch it but couldn't stay up! I was hoping it would be on again today while I am putting my feet up, but no such luck.
A friend just mentioned he'd watched it just this week, and of course I mention it because doing this IM has been on mine.
It's on tomorrow at 8. That's a little optimistic perhaps? 13 hours that would be. I'd be thrilled. To see any of it.
What I think I'd like to do is finish, have time to shower and take in some food and go watch those midnight finishers come in.
If I end up being one- I'll be grateful for that- and for those people who have have a better day but chose to come back.
Thanksgiving
I haven't exhausted the list of things I've been grateful for during this crazy year of training.
My sister-in-law Julie was diagnosed with breast cancer in April, just shortly after she was at my house for Easter and her spontaneous and appetite-for-life self. She's since lost two breasts, her hair and gotten through chemo. She's the real IM. If only some of the strength and endurance and stamina we all generate on the road could be transferred to someone who needs it. She's celebrating life with two of her three Pink Support group members and their parents in San Jose this year- so I'll miss her at my table- but for good reason!
My dermatologist- lol- you know you're a woman in your 40's when you have your dermatologist on speed dial, that's my motto. This crazy time has been a roller coaster- and between emotional, intellectual, and physical stress my face gave me some feedback. I have a feeling that next year will be different. We don't know what our limits are until we push them.
My sister-in-law Julie was diagnosed with breast cancer in April, just shortly after she was at my house for Easter and her spontaneous and appetite-for-life self. She's since lost two breasts, her hair and gotten through chemo. She's the real IM. If only some of the strength and endurance and stamina we all generate on the road could be transferred to someone who needs it. She's celebrating life with two of her three Pink Support group members and their parents in San Jose this year- so I'll miss her at my table- but for good reason!
My dermatologist- lol- you know you're a woman in your 40's when you have your dermatologist on speed dial, that's my motto. This crazy time has been a roller coaster- and between emotional, intellectual, and physical stress my face gave me some feedback. I have a feeling that next year will be different. We don't know what our limits are until we push them.
racing
More this weekend than this whole year, I've been asked "are you racing Sunday?" or "are you competing?"
I can't get my mind around that and why I still find that incredibly funny.
I know there are people who are here and racing.
I am neither here racing or competing.
To compete someone loses. I think everyone at this race wins. To try this, to set out and see if you can is winning, even if this one attempt isn't according to plan. Anything can happen tomorrow. It can as they say- rain. (how many days of sunshine per year in Arizona...and are you kidding me?)
It can be 60 degree water temps and for a slower swimmer be a little risky at the end.
Knowing they have warming tents for after the swim on Sunday should be comforting, but somehow it's not. I definitely stuck that jacket in the bike gear bag.
I am here pacing. Getting through a nice swim, to get on the bike for three loops- each one a little faster than the last, and then the run- saving some for the last five miles and making sure to eat once I've got a few minutes on the bike - to catch up for the swim output and plan ahead for the energy on bike and run portions of the race.
I'll remember that other people's stomachs tolerate Gu and gels better than mine and pace that intake for later in the race when keeping the sugar up once you start it is the only answer.
I'll choose chicken soup late in the race for sodium and hydration.
And I'm not opposed to flat Coke if the situation warrants it.
Easy as riding a bike.
8 miles is not that far. Each run loop is only 8.5 miles.
I can't get my mind around that and why I still find that incredibly funny.
I know there are people who are here and racing.
I am neither here racing or competing.
To compete someone loses. I think everyone at this race wins. To try this, to set out and see if you can is winning, even if this one attempt isn't according to plan. Anything can happen tomorrow. It can as they say- rain. (how many days of sunshine per year in Arizona...and are you kidding me?)
It can be 60 degree water temps and for a slower swimmer be a little risky at the end.
Knowing they have warming tents for after the swim on Sunday should be comforting, but somehow it's not. I definitely stuck that jacket in the bike gear bag.
I am here pacing. Getting through a nice swim, to get on the bike for three loops- each one a little faster than the last, and then the run- saving some for the last five miles and making sure to eat once I've got a few minutes on the bike - to catch up for the swim output and plan ahead for the energy on bike and run portions of the race.
I'll remember that other people's stomachs tolerate Gu and gels better than mine and pace that intake for later in the race when keeping the sugar up once you start it is the only answer.
I'll choose chicken soup late in the race for sodium and hydration.
And I'm not opposed to flat Coke if the situation warrants it.
Easy as riding a bike.
8 miles is not that far. Each run loop is only 8.5 miles.
Redefining cold
Well last night came the shock that Sister Madonna Buder (80) has doubts about finishing this IM due to the water temperature. It's as of this morning 60.5 degrees. Yes, all decimals at this distance, in this race (back to that word later), matter.
I mean, you have to figure she has some pretty powerful troops on her side, right? So my imagination ran wild all day and into the night with just what would that water feel like.
Last evening, a gentleman who said he swam regularly in the Baltic Sea? and it was 50- told me it wasn't that cold... I had hope. For temporary insanity, like the rest of the people around me.
Well, when 2500 of your new best friends are jumping in you don't decide suddenly that you can't because it's too cold. Now you do wonder when you see some of them with neoprene caps, and swim socks (who knew? and who wanted to know?)
So I bit the bullet and was definitely in a take-my-breath-away moment but I have a pretty good imagination and it wasn't as bad as that. I did privately thank my coach for assigning a 10 minute swim- get in and get out. No problem with compliance on that front today. Got in tread a little, reveled in the fact that I had forgotten how much the wet suit buoys you up, the fact that the inside of the loop is nearly lined with kayaks ready to help or offer assistance if you need it- today and tomorrow.
I swam not enough to get into a groove and relax but enough to know that I can do that tomorrow and know that I'll find open space.
I remembered to get my face wet right away so the shock of that was under my control before I set out to swim.
I remembered to practice a little 'catch up' drill to keep my hand out front of me in case it is really congested when I begin.
Getting in your own head is the only option during the swim which is a good thing.
I need to remember Tim Hansen's advice of get a song going in my head, though I haven't picked one- the one most frequently played on my ipod- with a sturdy solid finish this and appreciate it message is "Boys of Fall" by Kenny Chesney. Not very many of those Friday nights...or these Sunday mornings - stay in the moment.
I mean, you have to figure she has some pretty powerful troops on her side, right? So my imagination ran wild all day and into the night with just what would that water feel like.
Last evening, a gentleman who said he swam regularly in the Baltic Sea? and it was 50- told me it wasn't that cold... I had hope. For temporary insanity, like the rest of the people around me.
Well, when 2500 of your new best friends are jumping in you don't decide suddenly that you can't because it's too cold. Now you do wonder when you see some of them with neoprene caps, and swim socks (who knew? and who wanted to know?)
So I bit the bullet and was definitely in a take-my-breath-away moment but I have a pretty good imagination and it wasn't as bad as that. I did privately thank my coach for assigning a 10 minute swim- get in and get out. No problem with compliance on that front today. Got in tread a little, reveled in the fact that I had forgotten how much the wet suit buoys you up, the fact that the inside of the loop is nearly lined with kayaks ready to help or offer assistance if you need it- today and tomorrow.
I swam not enough to get into a groove and relax but enough to know that I can do that tomorrow and know that I'll find open space.
I remembered to get my face wet right away so the shock of that was under my control before I set out to swim.
I remembered to practice a little 'catch up' drill to keep my hand out front of me in case it is really congested when I begin.
Getting in your own head is the only option during the swim which is a good thing.
I need to remember Tim Hansen's advice of get a song going in my head, though I haven't picked one- the one most frequently played on my ipod- with a sturdy solid finish this and appreciate it message is "Boys of Fall" by Kenny Chesney. Not very many of those Friday nights...or these Sunday mornings - stay in the moment.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Spelling It Out
Someone gave me a card yesterday and I had to disagree with most of the meaningful and well-intended words that he wrote. It wasn't that hard. It was, often for me, a selfish feeling. I almost always felt I should be doing something with or for Dustin, or around the house or the yard, or the never-ending work that this there in this day of management by technology, or visiting my family out of town.
It was actually more isolating and lonely than I ever imagined it. Partially that's due to the rest of the life I lead, and the reality that I had to fit it in when I could and couldn't have planned to work around someone else's schedule too, it just wouldn't have happened.
Will it be a satisfying experience? Can't answer that one. I know I won't regret it, but I might have outgrown some of the things that made it a tough experience this year. Like this race, where the goal is always to be moving forward, I need to know that I am and sometimes lately in these last 11 months I've wondered that.
There's no way to go through something that causes so much internal focus without being different and realizing what works and what doesn't in your life.
It's easy, really. The things that keep you up at night and that make you cry, not once, but repeatedly, are things that have to be resolved and eliminated if you're going to be satisfied at the end of this race. To have regrets that last for years is too much to ask of anyone.
Training is simple and clean and clear. It makes the rest just that way as well. You prepare, you work through it and you get better. You don't get better by repeating the same mistakes or by avoiding logging the miles.
All the secrets are there in the training schedule.
It was actually more isolating and lonely than I ever imagined it. Partially that's due to the rest of the life I lead, and the reality that I had to fit it in when I could and couldn't have planned to work around someone else's schedule too, it just wouldn't have happened.
Will it be a satisfying experience? Can't answer that one. I know I won't regret it, but I might have outgrown some of the things that made it a tough experience this year. Like this race, where the goal is always to be moving forward, I need to know that I am and sometimes lately in these last 11 months I've wondered that.
There's no way to go through something that causes so much internal focus without being different and realizing what works and what doesn't in your life.
It's easy, really. The things that keep you up at night and that make you cry, not once, but repeatedly, are things that have to be resolved and eliminated if you're going to be satisfied at the end of this race. To have regrets that last for years is too much to ask of anyone.
Training is simple and clean and clear. It makes the rest just that way as well. You prepare, you work through it and you get better. You don't get better by repeating the same mistakes or by avoiding logging the miles.
All the secrets are there in the training schedule.
Grateful Alive
The other title was taken and frankly I don't want it!
Grateful for a job that lets me work 24/7 and flexible hours as long as I get the job done so that I can challenge myself in a way that we challenge everyone we work with every day. It's only fair that we each in this industry experience that willingness to get outside our comfort zones.
Bill Raney- for running his first marathon and having to do long runs the same weekend I was riding a long ride or doing a brick- so that maybe at the top of a hill at 2:15 down and 2:15 left to go I'd hear that he made his 16 or 18 miler successfully so I'd know I could do it too!
Bill from the Tri community and the pool- little does he know how much his words all year made me nervous- but in the last few weeks when I was most anxious about this experience and most stressed about every other area of life in addition, he spoke just the right words at just the right time to remind me that this is totally doable.
Jody- for the picture of form and grace in running, swimming and biking. An athlete through and through, she could likely start and finish this race tomorrow. She's the image of a swimmer I would want to emulate, and has speed I never will have in the run.
Tim Hansen- for such accurate and perfect tips on swim technique in just the right dosage. And for the book he lent me at the perfect time- that I've finished just now before I leave tomorrow. In it IM finishers of all types shared their experiences. How to Be an Ironman is the title- if you're reading this, you'd love it- whether or not you ever want to do that- you have something in you waiting to be done- and this will help!
Trip Hedrick- who gave me a lesson last spring - and whose comments still ring through my ears as I swim. As a prior swim coach and a master swimmer, who had a heart attach almost two decades ago- who still frequents the pool- he inspires everyone to continue on with reaching goals!
Mike Garton and Julie Kirkpatrick- both my triathlon coaches over time. I've learned so much from them and about myself through their challenges of my physical ability. I definitely doubted and challenged their thinking along the way and in the end trusted they knew what they were doing. And I know I knew what I was doing as well- each in their own way was the right coach at the right time. Congratulations to Julie on her recent marriage! Julie's personal experience along with her intuitive coaching- gave me just the right information even before I asked the questions sometimes!
Dan Atkinson, for letting me stop at his house or the barn for a bathroom break or water along the way, understanding that stopping at home was too dangerous!
Truman- who gave his all during that run in July that resulted in heat stroke, and who has suffered more since by not being able to go along until more chilly recent days. Training starts again next week for you, chubby dog. We will see your ribs again!@
Grateful for a job that lets me work 24/7 and flexible hours as long as I get the job done so that I can challenge myself in a way that we challenge everyone we work with every day. It's only fair that we each in this industry experience that willingness to get outside our comfort zones.
Bill Raney- for running his first marathon and having to do long runs the same weekend I was riding a long ride or doing a brick- so that maybe at the top of a hill at 2:15 down and 2:15 left to go I'd hear that he made his 16 or 18 miler successfully so I'd know I could do it too!
Bill from the Tri community and the pool- little does he know how much his words all year made me nervous- but in the last few weeks when I was most anxious about this experience and most stressed about every other area of life in addition, he spoke just the right words at just the right time to remind me that this is totally doable.
Jody- for the picture of form and grace in running, swimming and biking. An athlete through and through, she could likely start and finish this race tomorrow. She's the image of a swimmer I would want to emulate, and has speed I never will have in the run.
Tim Hansen- for such accurate and perfect tips on swim technique in just the right dosage. And for the book he lent me at the perfect time- that I've finished just now before I leave tomorrow. In it IM finishers of all types shared their experiences. How to Be an Ironman is the title- if you're reading this, you'd love it- whether or not you ever want to do that- you have something in you waiting to be done- and this will help!
Trip Hedrick- who gave me a lesson last spring - and whose comments still ring through my ears as I swim. As a prior swim coach and a master swimmer, who had a heart attach almost two decades ago- who still frequents the pool- he inspires everyone to continue on with reaching goals!
Mike Garton and Julie Kirkpatrick- both my triathlon coaches over time. I've learned so much from them and about myself through their challenges of my physical ability. I definitely doubted and challenged their thinking along the way and in the end trusted they knew what they were doing. And I know I knew what I was doing as well- each in their own way was the right coach at the right time. Congratulations to Julie on her recent marriage! Julie's personal experience along with her intuitive coaching- gave me just the right information even before I asked the questions sometimes!
Dan Atkinson, for letting me stop at his house or the barn for a bathroom break or water along the way, understanding that stopping at home was too dangerous!
Truman- who gave his all during that run in July that resulted in heat stroke, and who has suffered more since by not being able to go along until more chilly recent days. Training starts again next week for you, chubby dog. We will see your ribs again!@
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Sticker Shock
OK- not really sticker shock- but body shock, venue shock, and an extremely funny reality check. People whom I have been asking questions of today keep telling me "oh, yes, but that'll be busy because of the Ironman people coming in...." and when I told my inquisitive waiter that I was going to walk down to the race transition venue- after I'd asked for directions- he asked, not if I was participating, but if I was going to take advantage of the nice day.
At the airport there was a tall blond guy that oozed athlete, and fast. (I'm pretty sure no one looked at me and thought that!) In fact I started to think, geez, does my butt look that big or do I look like I don't get messy? Wait til Sunday.
So needless to say there will need to be some inside the head action going on here the next few days. As I was walking along the lake - thinking it doesn't look all that cold! And thankful that the air temperature is a sunny 75-ish today- a group of German bikers came whizzing past looking like they knew what they were doing.
Tomorrow I'm to get on my bike- that is after hoping it has been 1. delivered 2. reassembled 3. to my fit! and ride in an area that boasts about 3 million people - while I'm used to rural Ames where no one bothers me as long as they're not texting. Always another growth opportunity!
I have to swim in a fish bowl on Friday, on the second floor of the hotel- not that several hundred other athletes don't have the same idea.
And I have the concierge finding out what orphan athletes who have no family or friends to help them do in case they can't pick up their bikes by midnight because they're still finishing or getting IVs! I could donate the bike I suppose. But then there's the wetsuit, the bike shoes and helmet and warm up shirt and shorts I'll have had on in the morning also.
At the airport there was a tall blond guy that oozed athlete, and fast. (I'm pretty sure no one looked at me and thought that!) In fact I started to think, geez, does my butt look that big or do I look like I don't get messy? Wait til Sunday.
So needless to say there will need to be some inside the head action going on here the next few days. As I was walking along the lake - thinking it doesn't look all that cold! And thankful that the air temperature is a sunny 75-ish today- a group of German bikers came whizzing past looking like they knew what they were doing.
Tomorrow I'm to get on my bike- that is after hoping it has been 1. delivered 2. reassembled 3. to my fit! and ride in an area that boasts about 3 million people - while I'm used to rural Ames where no one bothers me as long as they're not texting. Always another growth opportunity!
I have to swim in a fish bowl on Friday, on the second floor of the hotel- not that several hundred other athletes don't have the same idea.
And I have the concierge finding out what orphan athletes who have no family or friends to help them do in case they can't pick up their bikes by midnight because they're still finishing or getting IVs! I could donate the bike I suppose. But then there's the wetsuit, the bike shoes and helmet and warm up shirt and shorts I'll have had on in the morning also.
Mother of Encouragement
One of my earliest blogs last year occurred when I told my mother at lunch one day what I was doing. Or rather my son brought it up, no doubt knowing that there would be some confusion and fun around explaining to my 84 year old mother why I was doing it.
From her initial "your going to kill yourself" response to the phone call with her last weekend. I expressed that I was sorry now that I hadn't taken Dustin out of school for a couple days to come along- to have someone there, knowing it was going to be emotional both at the beginning and at the end, and that recounts of other athlete's Ironman experiences revealed how important that family or friends siting along the way was to them.
I'm prepared to throw up, or have diarrhea and to suffer the pain through it telling myself to keep moving forward but I'm not prepared for starting or crossing the finish line alone. That will be tougher than anything I've ever done. And I've had a big big baby, and felt that great sense of alone that follows a divorce. I didn't expect it. I didn't expect to need that so much.
I told my mom how I was excited, nervous, and a little scared- all true, but that my goal was to focus on enjoying the experience - and realizing all the time that this "first" will never come again- regardless of whether another Ironman does or not.
She piped in- "right, you don't have to win it, just do well." How far has she come?? To be referring to Ironman and winning in the same sentence! One thing is for sure- I can't keep up!!
Oh my. Winning in this event is finishing for me! And having the experience of a lifetime, being able to walk away choosing to do it again or to be satisfied with the day.
From her initial "your going to kill yourself" response to the phone call with her last weekend. I expressed that I was sorry now that I hadn't taken Dustin out of school for a couple days to come along- to have someone there, knowing it was going to be emotional both at the beginning and at the end, and that recounts of other athlete's Ironman experiences revealed how important that family or friends siting along the way was to them.
I'm prepared to throw up, or have diarrhea and to suffer the pain through it telling myself to keep moving forward but I'm not prepared for starting or crossing the finish line alone. That will be tougher than anything I've ever done. And I've had a big big baby, and felt that great sense of alone that follows a divorce. I didn't expect it. I didn't expect to need that so much.
I told my mom how I was excited, nervous, and a little scared- all true, but that my goal was to focus on enjoying the experience - and realizing all the time that this "first" will never come again- regardless of whether another Ironman does or not.
She piped in- "right, you don't have to win it, just do well." How far has she come?? To be referring to Ironman and winning in the same sentence! One thing is for sure- I can't keep up!!
Oh my. Winning in this event is finishing for me! And having the experience of a lifetime, being able to walk away choosing to do it again or to be satisfied with the day.
More on Gratitude
I have more people to thank than will ever reach these posts.
People who barely know I think of them as inspiration.
Mark Leblanc for taking time to talk to me about growing my business and for showing me a humbling yoga experience that gives me a goal for early 2011. And for sharing his experience in his book, Never Be the Same. I do know that at the end of this journey I won't be the same. I will have gone so much farther than 140 + miles away from where I was. There will be change in my life that happens for it. In the end only I am responsible for the experience I have in this world.
Dustin Atkinson who every once in a while will make sure I know he knows this has some importance to me. "Does that day have some significance somehow" he'll ask when we're talking about November 21. Or when my answer to a question is 'let's talk about that after the 21st.' He's talking about Thanksgiving and Christmas and a birthday in January. I'm thinking that's A.I. (after Ironman) and reminded there is life after that! (He's not on this list because he doesn't already know how important he is- but that he doesn't know how much his words ground me- sometimes kick me in the shins...but ground me nevertheless.)
The triathlon training group who finished their first tri this summer. They went across a new threshold and through them I got to relive a 'first' vicariously. They remind me why I got into this again. They bring me back to getting people to experience life in a bigger way. They remind me how much alike we are in this human experience. They also reminded me of how to have fun while working again!
Coaches who spent time with my son in various was this past summer and fall. Jay, RJ and Chris, all who are helping feed dreams and create character that is a bigger value than the score itself. The legacy of Don Palmer and his value of golf as a game that reflects the type of person you are off the green and fairway. If we can shoot for the fairway and play our best through the rough, we're doing OK. I'm haunted (in a good way) knowing that he's on that course with Dustin and that what happens in the clubhouse among a foursome, or in the van on the way home from a meet, is as important as the game itself.
People who barely know I think of them as inspiration.
Mark Leblanc for taking time to talk to me about growing my business and for showing me a humbling yoga experience that gives me a goal for early 2011. And for sharing his experience in his book, Never Be the Same. I do know that at the end of this journey I won't be the same. I will have gone so much farther than 140 + miles away from where I was. There will be change in my life that happens for it. In the end only I am responsible for the experience I have in this world.
Dustin Atkinson who every once in a while will make sure I know he knows this has some importance to me. "Does that day have some significance somehow" he'll ask when we're talking about November 21. Or when my answer to a question is 'let's talk about that after the 21st.' He's talking about Thanksgiving and Christmas and a birthday in January. I'm thinking that's A.I. (after Ironman) and reminded there is life after that! (He's not on this list because he doesn't already know how important he is- but that he doesn't know how much his words ground me- sometimes kick me in the shins...but ground me nevertheless.)
The triathlon training group who finished their first tri this summer. They went across a new threshold and through them I got to relive a 'first' vicariously. They remind me why I got into this again. They bring me back to getting people to experience life in a bigger way. They remind me how much alike we are in this human experience. They also reminded me of how to have fun while working again!
Coaches who spent time with my son in various was this past summer and fall. Jay, RJ and Chris, all who are helping feed dreams and create character that is a bigger value than the score itself. The legacy of Don Palmer and his value of golf as a game that reflects the type of person you are off the green and fairway. If we can shoot for the fairway and play our best through the rough, we're doing OK. I'm haunted (in a good way) knowing that he's on that course with Dustin and that what happens in the clubhouse among a foursome, or in the van on the way home from a meet, is as important as the game itself.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Brain Freeze
My coach tells me that 70 is not too cold. Not a real need for a neoprene cap.
Tell I tell you that I've done the majority of my laps in a pool 84 degrees?
And that I like it?
While it's true, that the mornings I've taken more time to get in the water than my first four laps take because it was cooler than normal I have swum faster(even before my lesson with Tim) than usual and felt better upon completion- comfort is my first concern.
My coach tells me to get in on Saturday morning for 10-20 minutes- get wet, swim out swim back and get out. No problem. The trick I think...is wanting to go back on Sunday and do it again knowing what I'll know then.
Two caps. Can help.
There's the sudden concern maybe ear plugs will keep cold out- but I don't train with them so it seems like a bad idea.
I do train with a nose plug- but am afraid that will fall off. I may try the wrap around the neck version this morning and see if that is worth the switch.
The goggles I have leak just a little and I adjust them a lot. I'm tightening this morning before jumping in- so see if I can fix that.
Last minute worries. They aren't about chemo, radiation, losing my hair, being able to work, or fear of not seeing my son play next season. I have few worries. I have luxuries.
Tell I tell you that I've done the majority of my laps in a pool 84 degrees?
And that I like it?
While it's true, that the mornings I've taken more time to get in the water than my first four laps take because it was cooler than normal I have swum faster(even before my lesson with Tim) than usual and felt better upon completion- comfort is my first concern.
My coach tells me to get in on Saturday morning for 10-20 minutes- get wet, swim out swim back and get out. No problem. The trick I think...is wanting to go back on Sunday and do it again knowing what I'll know then.
Two caps. Can help.
There's the sudden concern maybe ear plugs will keep cold out- but I don't train with them so it seems like a bad idea.
I do train with a nose plug- but am afraid that will fall off. I may try the wrap around the neck version this morning and see if that is worth the switch.
The goggles I have leak just a little and I adjust them a lot. I'm tightening this morning before jumping in- so see if I can fix that.
Last minute worries. They aren't about chemo, radiation, losing my hair, being able to work, or fear of not seeing my son play next season. I have few worries. I have luxuries.
The Transition Bag
The 2010 race guide finally arrived in my "in" box just last week. Not that it offered information much different than the 2009 guide, but it was a long-awaited publication I'm sure for some 2000 athletes registered for AZ Ironman. As if we didn't have enough to think about in final days of peak weeks and tapers. We could BMW about that not being done too in order to vent some pent up anxiety onto someone else!
So in pouring over the 'bags' I'll receive at athlete check-in. I made my bedroom floor transition and aid-station central last weekend. From the swim pile, to the swim-to-bike pile, then the special needs bike bag, the bike-to-run transition bag, the special needs run bag and finally it will be done!
Oh, the dilemma over what to put in each. And the distress about 'will I find peanut butter and jelly to make sandwiches while I'm there?' In that contemplation I nearly forgot the swimsuit that I'll need for under the wet suit. Having volunteers strip me naked on the beach after the swim is not only something I want to avoid, but evidently public nudity is illegal.
You need to have reflective material on your bike gear. That's because they think there's a good chance you'll finish in the dark.
You're not to place anything in your transition or special needs bags "of value." I'm wondering what that definition is? I highly value that new Pearl I bike jacket that I'm thinking will feel good on the bike after 70 degree water, and I also think that by the time I hit my special needs bike bag I might be warm enough to ditch it.
I need a friend or family member to get my bike in case I can't make it back by midnight to retrieve it. I either have to get married before Sunday morning or make a new non-competing friend before Sunday in order for that to happen. Everything must be removed by midnight. They don't say "or what." I may find out. Or they may have a new Cervelo and slightly used wet suit, and size 8 biking shoes.
Walking, Running and crawling are legal ways to cross the finish line. All other forms of locomotion are not. Good to know.
Then there's the Julie Moss story that always looms in the back of my mind. Nothing is said about that in the athlete guide.
So in pouring over the 'bags' I'll receive at athlete check-in. I made my bedroom floor transition and aid-station central last weekend. From the swim pile, to the swim-to-bike pile, then the special needs bike bag, the bike-to-run transition bag, the special needs run bag and finally it will be done!
Oh, the dilemma over what to put in each. And the distress about 'will I find peanut butter and jelly to make sandwiches while I'm there?' In that contemplation I nearly forgot the swimsuit that I'll need for under the wet suit. Having volunteers strip me naked on the beach after the swim is not only something I want to avoid, but evidently public nudity is illegal.
You need to have reflective material on your bike gear. That's because they think there's a good chance you'll finish in the dark.
You're not to place anything in your transition or special needs bags "of value." I'm wondering what that definition is? I highly value that new Pearl I bike jacket that I'm thinking will feel good on the bike after 70 degree water, and I also think that by the time I hit my special needs bike bag I might be warm enough to ditch it.
I need a friend or family member to get my bike in case I can't make it back by midnight to retrieve it. I either have to get married before Sunday morning or make a new non-competing friend before Sunday in order for that to happen. Everything must be removed by midnight. They don't say "or what." I may find out. Or they may have a new Cervelo and slightly used wet suit, and size 8 biking shoes.
Walking, Running and crawling are legal ways to cross the finish line. All other forms of locomotion are not. Good to know.
Then there's the Julie Moss story that always looms in the back of my mind. Nothing is said about that in the athlete guide.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Gratitiude List
During miles and minutes and hours of training there has been one constant. Aside from the sacrifice of time that would have spent otherwise and with other people, and the extra laundry, groceries, need for sleep, and desire for massage, I mean one constant besides those!
It's been a spiritual experience. Any longer run, swim or bike can do that on some level. But over these months it's been especially true. So many more people around me, next to me, and just one person away from me have had health issues during my training time. To be here. To have the ability to choose this goal, in itself has been a blessing. Last night before I went to sleep I realized next Sunday (November 21) I most likely would still be out there. Prior to the marathons I've done I always told myself or anyone training with me that getting to the starting line healthy was the goal. So it is with this. Looking back at this year, its been amazing. I've had maybe one or two days of not feeling good. I had half a week where I didn't hit the workouts in time or distance. That at the time seemed like a loss. In the scheme of things you train that long and it's built in; its OK and you can adjust.
I've thought about people who have passed through my life who got me to this place of thinking I can and wanting to push limits.
My grandmother McCaw who was always so glad to see me and sorry to see me go; first to praise efforts of creativity and taught me to dream about what I could do with those early talents; and provided me with opportunities.
Sharon Mathes who was my major professor and who until recently rejected my early ideas about thesis work for reasons I only now understand. Handling life with her ease and grace of touching people is a worthy goal.
Don Palmer who began his life over at 54 with a woman with a 6 year old and three older children to boot. He taught me most about how to define a well-lived life. When I'm forgetting to laugh at things that are out of my control and when I'm being small, I'm reminded of what he might do instead.
There are more, but these three I know are somewhere that they can see the start and finish. I'm hoping to see them between mile 1 and 140 - in a tailwind through the bike, or a second wind on a hill in the run, even better yet in that little swim start amongst 2000 people.
I see myself at least now soaking up the day and the experience and knowing there's only one first time. I see myself thanking the volunteers and officials and the spectators who are there for others but encouraging everyone. I know that feeling of having a day of racing like that will be my goal much more than any time. And that the richness of that experience is based on the people who have influenced those kinds of values in me.
It's been a spiritual experience. Any longer run, swim or bike can do that on some level. But over these months it's been especially true. So many more people around me, next to me, and just one person away from me have had health issues during my training time. To be here. To have the ability to choose this goal, in itself has been a blessing. Last night before I went to sleep I realized next Sunday (November 21) I most likely would still be out there. Prior to the marathons I've done I always told myself or anyone training with me that getting to the starting line healthy was the goal. So it is with this. Looking back at this year, its been amazing. I've had maybe one or two days of not feeling good. I had half a week where I didn't hit the workouts in time or distance. That at the time seemed like a loss. In the scheme of things you train that long and it's built in; its OK and you can adjust.
I've thought about people who have passed through my life who got me to this place of thinking I can and wanting to push limits.
My grandmother McCaw who was always so glad to see me and sorry to see me go; first to praise efforts of creativity and taught me to dream about what I could do with those early talents; and provided me with opportunities.
Sharon Mathes who was my major professor and who until recently rejected my early ideas about thesis work for reasons I only now understand. Handling life with her ease and grace of touching people is a worthy goal.
Don Palmer who began his life over at 54 with a woman with a 6 year old and three older children to boot. He taught me most about how to define a well-lived life. When I'm forgetting to laugh at things that are out of my control and when I'm being small, I'm reminded of what he might do instead.
There are more, but these three I know are somewhere that they can see the start and finish. I'm hoping to see them between mile 1 and 140 - in a tailwind through the bike, or a second wind on a hill in the run, even better yet in that little swim start amongst 2000 people.
I see myself at least now soaking up the day and the experience and knowing there's only one first time. I see myself thanking the volunteers and officials and the spectators who are there for others but encouraging everyone. I know that feeling of having a day of racing like that will be my goal much more than any time. And that the richness of that experience is based on the people who have influenced those kinds of values in me.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Timely swimming tips
Too many miles on the tri bike may have resulted in some bad habits! The posture evidently had carried over to the water. Something about keeping your nose to the grindstone may have had something to do with it. But an innocent bystander observing my stroke on Friday morning asked if she could make a suggestion.
I was both thinking, "You have no idea what you're doing" meaning- giving me more things to frett about weeks before swimming longer than I've ever swam, in water colder than I've ever swam, with more people than I've ever swam...you get the idea!
However, I did have the common sense to identify that she had a beautiful stroke herself and was swimming with such ease that I was trying to emulate her even before she spoke to me. I called Tim Hansen and scheduled one of the half hour swim lessons I've had on my books for over three years!
Sat am at 7 I asked him to observe me as I started my long workout for that day and not give me too much to overwhelm me but tips that would make the biggest impact on economy and efficiency to help cut down on fatigue and ensure I could relax sooner into my own swim pace.
With his tips I cut 6 seconds off my 25yd and 16 off my 100. Plus, it felt easy- as if I was gliding rather than working harder expending more energy.
I wasn't sure about whether to laugh or cry.....the months of maybe less than good form- expending energy that could have been reserved for more distance, or for better recovery.
I laughed instead- how fun was that!
No one ever accused me of being fast! OK- one person, and I at the time felt sorry for him, thinking that he really needed lessons!
A friend of my son's commented to him on how slow I was in the pool while swimming laps at the country club this summer. Something like a "your mamma" joke I suppose. I couldn't hold telling the truth against him! All I could do was think, if you think that's bad you should see my run and bike! It's true I was getting slower every day !!
At least some light at the end of the tunnel.
New book by my nightstand. I finished "Seventeen Hours to Glory" and am reading the lone from swim coach, "Becoming an Ironman." It's exactly what I need this next three weeks. Triumph from all walks of athlete and the simple reminder that mere mortals do do this.
I may be learning the most about what to pack in my special needs bags from this book. The expert books all tell it like a bullet point list, but this one, from the trenches tells me what worked for these people. So far the common denominator? Advil, Aleve and some kind of treats to look forward to!
19 days to go. OMG.
I was both thinking, "You have no idea what you're doing" meaning- giving me more things to frett about weeks before swimming longer than I've ever swam, in water colder than I've ever swam, with more people than I've ever swam...you get the idea!
However, I did have the common sense to identify that she had a beautiful stroke herself and was swimming with such ease that I was trying to emulate her even before she spoke to me. I called Tim Hansen and scheduled one of the half hour swim lessons I've had on my books for over three years!
Sat am at 7 I asked him to observe me as I started my long workout for that day and not give me too much to overwhelm me but tips that would make the biggest impact on economy and efficiency to help cut down on fatigue and ensure I could relax sooner into my own swim pace.
With his tips I cut 6 seconds off my 25yd and 16 off my 100. Plus, it felt easy- as if I was gliding rather than working harder expending more energy.
I wasn't sure about whether to laugh or cry.....the months of maybe less than good form- expending energy that could have been reserved for more distance, or for better recovery.
I laughed instead- how fun was that!
No one ever accused me of being fast! OK- one person, and I at the time felt sorry for him, thinking that he really needed lessons!
A friend of my son's commented to him on how slow I was in the pool while swimming laps at the country club this summer. Something like a "your mamma" joke I suppose. I couldn't hold telling the truth against him! All I could do was think, if you think that's bad you should see my run and bike! It's true I was getting slower every day !!
At least some light at the end of the tunnel.
New book by my nightstand. I finished "Seventeen Hours to Glory" and am reading the lone from swim coach, "Becoming an Ironman." It's exactly what I need this next three weeks. Triumph from all walks of athlete and the simple reminder that mere mortals do do this.
I may be learning the most about what to pack in my special needs bags from this book. The expert books all tell it like a bullet point list, but this one, from the trenches tells me what worked for these people. So far the common denominator? Advil, Aleve and some kind of treats to look forward to!
19 days to go. OMG.
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