Family Support

I have a photo of my sister-in-law in a frame as she's surrounded by three of her now four grandsons (that's it - just boys!). And she's going through cancer treatment at the time. Her little army of support surround her.
Its my brother who is married to her that was my hero as a child. It was he who used to hide on top of the washer and dryer (every time!) for hide-and-seek with me, and who I'd run all the way home from school to see when he came home from the Navy or later from out of state.

He twice has been the soulmate to her in two statements that I'll never forget and always covet. At their son's wedding I sat behind them with my other siblings in the second pew. As the bride and groom went up to light the candle he slipped his hand into my sister-in-law's. That gesture made a lump catch in my throat and said so much about all the shared years of worry and joys and sitting on bleachers and waiting up late for this moment when this young man was being the man they together raised him to be.

The second time I was taken by my brother's commitment  I was talking to him, on the phone I think though that part is fuzzy. We were discussing her journey through alarm and diagnosis, decisions on treatment, and hope for the results. I'd asked something to the effect of how he was doing, acknowledging that it was hard for him too.
He agreed. "If it happens to her it happens to me," was his reply.

I don't know when that happens for a couple but I do think of all the people who like to say I don't know where you end or I start that they've got it.

Just how that ties to my Iron Journey we'd all like to know. But in the miles and minutes and hours I've put in on trails and streets and pools some of these thoughts come to me about my life and moments when I've been blessed and how I've been rich.

Recently someone told me that conference presenter suggested that during an interview for potential employee you ask them how lucky they've been in life. It will tell you about whether or not they're optimistic and how appreciative they are of the smaller things in life no matter what their situation when they're asked. I'm an ideal employee in that regard. I'd be at the least an 11 on a 1-10 scale. It doesn't I think have to be you who things happened to in order to appreciate then but to have simply witnessed them and realize how special they are is the blessing.

The Sweet Spot

Whether I've crossed the finish line yet or not, I have won. I've had some rides and runs and swims that have been nearly magical. If you've never experienced it, it's not a physical experience solely. Someone else can have it when they paint or quilt or create somehow. Yet what makes it so perfect is that the physical part goes so well that you aren't distracted by it.
You aren't aware you're breathing hard, or that your back is tight, you aren't aware of that but only of the vibrant colors left of fall and the perfectly sweet air around you. There have been more moments like that in the last few weeks of training this year that I haven't had all year long. Running was about listening, straining to listen even to how my body was reacting and whether I was moving forward or pushing too hard.
There have been times when I've been on a ride against the wind, uphill, and in the rain that it was so unfriendly and unfun that even that brought laughter.
And through what I thought was heat and humidity that I enjoy running in, though I made it, it now seems to me I made it through that for what is happening right now; the ease of a run on a fall day when the air is cooler and a sweatshirt and capris are just right, when it's almost still because there's hardly a breeze but there's none needed because it's just perfect as it is.
I'm not a fall lover. It makes me sad at times. I'm a spring girl and a summer lover. It all has hope and ease and a lightness to it, not to mention hours more of daylight and so many more hours of outdoors. This fall though has been different; a gift. Last year too was beautiful right up until the race so training indoors was not so necessary had it at least not been for work! But I was distracted last year, too much on my plate and too focused on things and people out of my control.
I'm in a good place for this race. Its going to be a good day no matter what happens and yet I feel I already know that I'll finish and it isn't a question this year. I have to overcome the biggest obstacle which is staying up past my bedtime to finish it but I can sleep in on Monday, right?

Medicine Man

Dr Peter Wolfe most recently offered me some of the best advice I’ve had; a holistic approach to medicine. He offered hope; he offered an understanding of my thinking and took my side, in addition to providing the medical science. He said even if not this year, there will be one before I’m fifty. He had no reservations about that.

I’ve decided this one will be it, finish line or not, the only failure would be not going all the distance I can. I can get to AZ and to the starting line. I can break the day into doable segments of swim; transition, first, second, and third bike loops; and then the loops of the run where spectators and fellow racers will all help. Ironman or Ironmom, I’ll be ready to hang up this type of training for a while at least.

Mind Games

Two weeks ago on a four hour bike ride I changed my mind four times about going or not going. Literally. I doubt whether I’ve done enough running to prepare my foot. I doubt whether I have enough confidence to know that. I don’t want to have surprises in the last couple hours due to not having trained on my feet enough.

I’ve heard myself tell my son over golf tournaments this summer that there are 18 holes every round. You have to play every one of them every time. So then if I don’t go am I skipping out on the last few holes?

One tournament he was hurting and he then wanted to hit a last shot out of a shrub. As soon as he connected we both knew it was over, but he had to make the call. A month from school golf, I wanted him to call it a day. He finally did. And if I’m in the middle of IM AZ and think I’ll ruin the next 40 years of physical activity I hope I’ll know the time to stop. Getting there is the win. I’ve been proud of Dustin for entering and wanting to compete, for putting in the practice time. But I’ve had joy when he won and he had the fun for what he earned and deserved. I may get the joy of finishing all three legs but I may have to settle for the joy of effort I’ve had during training.

Physical, Mental and Holistic Being

There are so many aspects of preparing for an endurance event. Everyone first goes to the physical training. Reality is, that’s the easy part. I laugh when my coach tells me that she wants to see me cross the finish line because this has taken so much time and energy and money the last two years. I shake my head when someone says they’ll help me finish by helping me train in one leg or another because this is such an important personal goal that they want to see me do it.

My reality is that last year it was a big focus. Yet, I truly didn’t have time to be disappointed while in AZ- I was too focused on the immediate details of getting myself and my gear out of there. I did not like using the term DNF to describe my race when asked at home, but then I talked about it very little with anyone but immediate family and very close friends. The why on that is about what I do. Training for an Ironman doesn’t bring me closer to someone contemplating getter started in exercise or to the trainer who is just building his or her business who can’t find the flexible time I have now, it puts more distance between us. So I don’t talk about it. It isn’t for anyone but me that I’m doing it so I haven’t missed that. I don’t need the pats on the back, and don’t want the raised eyebrows from people who think it’s extreme. It’s really just one step, one stroke, one revolution after another according to a plan. It’s doable. Though I do appreciate sharing the ups and downs of training with someone going through it; it’s like another language to others.

But I’d never risk a long term injury or damage in order to cross a finish line. I’d never keep training so low that race day is miserable just to save myself for that day to reach a goal. The truth is I’ve benefited every day that I’ve been able to dream it and train for it and I can’t imagine exercising without a goal any longer. I’ll put time and energy and money into a training program in 2012 and 2013 and so on even though it won’t be for Ironman endeavors. I’m living better every day I’m training. It’s all been worth it no matter what.

I don’t think too much about what I’m going to eat as a reward after I workout either which is counter to what I’ve found to be true for many fitness enthusiasts. I instead usually am thinking whether I am eating optimally to rebuild and then fuel the next workout. It’s just more fun that way for me.

The other way seems more like punishment that I have first to do first. I actually like the training. I write when I ride and run. I solve problems when I’m swimming. When I return I’m sweaty and smelly and dirty but my head is clear. I’ve had time to reflect on how fortunate I am to even be able to choose it. It’s a privilege not a right.

Mystery of Injury and Miracle of Healing

What we finally suspected and I’ve come to think of as the best answer is that coming out of 60 degree water after 90 minutes, I was numb. Running up stairs, over the rough terrain the carpet covered to transition area I think I had a miss-step or pulled a too cold muscle and only began to feel it as it thawed and I pushed harder on the bike.

The podiatrist was a little too matter of fact and reality shock for me. Though I like him a great deal I was looking for answers and didn’t have any.

More closely, I was looking for hope.

So what does that mean? My foot might not be able to handle that kind of duration or stress any more. It will always be a weaker link even once it heals. I asked about the 2011 AZ IM that I was already registered for… no answers. He asked me to come back in, check back at the appointment when I picked up the orthotics. I said, “Why? What for? You’re depressing!” I was only partially kidding!

I sought a Physical Therapist/runner’s opinion and her optimism helped. “Let’s exhaust every possibility before we rule it out.” I began strengthening it. I left running alone for a while. Pain-free after a month I began running 15 minutes at a time. Then 17, then 19 and so on and so on. Never two days in a row. Just two- three times a week the same duration until the next week as long as it was going well. How excited was I when I actually ran 45 minutes all at one time? Big time! Imagine – after the year before when 90 minute and 2 hour runs were at one point “short.”

So I’ve seen massage therapists, done my due diligence with strength training- heel raises- balance challenges, very little running compared to last year and am in the final stretch.

Alive and Kicking

My sister recommended I begin blogging again in this home stretch. That recommendation coincided with my own thinking that I should blog these last thirty days. What really got me though is that she said it looks like I just died.

So, first to clear that up. I’m still here. November 25, 2010 was the last entry I made.

At that point I was still baffled by what might have happened during Ironman AX 2010 to make my foot so painful that I couldn’t bear weight coming off the bike leg and the last 40 miles were excruciatingly physically and mentally painful. Funny though how once my foot pain took over I forgot about my shoulders and low back, which must have been feeling it after the long 8 hour ride it took. Not only my foot but the 35 mile an hour winds half of the time in the out and back loop, plus a bit of rain.

By the last entry I was doing much better and so while the mystery continued…nothing more was discovered. I could run, wear heels, was forced to do an early morning bootcamp when I released an employee and was doing plyometrics for demonstration with no problems. I didn’t get cocky, mind you, but I wasn’t restricted.

Near the end of February- after three months of cross training indoors while winter winds and snow blew I headed out for a first of spring run with the dog. It was one of those early warm days when you know that it’s going to blizzard again, it’s Iowa, but you have hope for Spring none-the-less and take advantage of it. I had been running on a treadmill, doing Stairmaster, yoga, swimming and biking, as well as weight lifting since Arizona, in other words doing a balanced mix of activity and experiencing no problems.

The day after the run I experienced a little heel burning sensation. I couldn’t get comfortable in my shoes while standing to observe someone exercising if I was training them. I wore clogs to teach class at ISU one day and the next it was worse yet. I called the podiatrist and got an appt asap. Got fitted for orthotics there. While waiting, the next day was worse yet. I asked for some other solution. Nurse suggested a boot. Fine, went and got it. Second day in that and it was built up at exactly the spot that hurt so I was worse. Dumped the boot and cried uncle. I finally succumbed to an MRI. Until that point it hadn’t made sense.

MRI showed a torn plantar flexor- the muscle that pushes off when you run. So walking or running up hills was potentially culprit during my run that had more terrain change than the treadmill had all winter. And even extreme positions like down dog puts the ankle and foot that hadn’t hurt it we just guessed was because it was slow and gentle. Where the run was impact and force and though it didn’t seem so in terms of time or effort was more than the foot had done. It also showed a talor dome lesion that the podiatrist suspected might a bigger problem for me going forward. And who knew what came first the chicken or the egg.